Gravity
by Sinnamon Spider
Summary: A series of Remus/Sirius drabbles, based on Our Lady Peace's 2002 album "Gravity". See author's note for more details.
1. All For You

**Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. The title "Gravity", all chapter titles, and all song lyrics belong to Our Lady Peace. **

**A/N:** I'm not entirely sure what this is. Simply put, it's a collection of Remus/Sirius drabbles based around Our Lady Peace's 2002 album "Gravity". The album is my favourite by OLP, and as I was listening to it the last time, I noticed that there were lyrics in every song that seemed to fit Remus and Sirius' relationship. So I set out to write a sort of concept fic, with a chapter for each song on the album. They aren't really songfics, more like pieces inspired by certain lyrics in the songs. They span from the Marauder era to HBP/DH, but are not in chronological order.

Now that you've made it through this ridiculously long author's note: I hope you enjoy!

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**Gravity  
**By: Sinnamon Spider

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**All For You (Pre-Halloween 1981)**

_It's all for you  
__You got me where you want  
__It's all for you  
__Just stop breaking my heart  
__You're the blood, I'm the seed  
__And it's all that I need  
__Got me where you want  
__It's all for you  
__You got me, oh, you got me_

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Sirius is trapped. Trapped in a lie, trapped in the truth, trapped in his head. Dancing to his tune. Living for him, breathing for him, _being _for him. Lying for him.

Every word can be traitorous, every silence can be deadly. Hesitation spells doom, and a slip of the tongue tastes of disaster. Unscheduled absence whispers "I don't trust you", reluctance declares "I'm hiding something from you", and being caught in a lie is to say "I don't love you anymore".

He lives on tenterhooks, walks on thin ice, and sleeps in broken glass. Every day that passes, he can feel them fracture a little further, feel the cracks widen, get a little deeper.

Sirius has never felt so out of control.

But all he knows is that he will do anything to stay with Remus.

On the day that Remus tells him to get out, throws a whispered declaration of distrust and suspicion across the heavy tension of the room, he fractures again.

He leaves.

And on the doorstep, he fractures completely.

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	2. Do You Like It

**Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. The title "Gravity", all chapter titles, and all song lyrics belong to Our Lady Peace.**

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**Gravity  
**By: Sinnamon Spider

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**Do You Like It (Pre-POA)**

_I just wanna get out  
Stuck inside of this  
Waiting for something else  
Waiting to exist  
Can you offer me help  
Help for what I've missed, I've missed_

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He's gone mad.

He supposes that if he's able to recognize that he's gone mad, it might mean that he in fact hasn't gone mad.

But it's twelve years now, twelve years of Dementors and solitude and screams in the night, and he doesn't see how he could not have gone mad after twelve years of all that.

He's not a screamer, though. Never has been. That time that James put the great hairy tarantula down his shirt doesn't count.

He's a talker. He supposes he talks nonsense most of the time, although he was able to get Fudge's newspaper some time ago. Mind you, Fudge talked a lot of nonsense too, or so he remembered, so it may have just been one madman understanding another.

But Dementors don't talk, and the other people mostly scream or sob, so when Fudge isn't around to listen to his nonsense, he talks to the only normal person who has ever been able to fully understand him.

"How was your day, Remus?" he asks cheerily.

There's no reply, but he isn't bothered. There never is, and he supposes that the day there is a reply, he will have truely gone mad.

"I didn't do it, you know." His tone is light, conversational, but Remus never seems to mind. "Didn't do it. It was Peter. That rat. Haha. Rat. Shoulda known right from the beginning, eh? Ratty, finky Peter. Didn't think he had it in him, the rat."

He smiles wider now. "I know you're busy, Remus. Busy busy you. Probably in the library." He snickers. "Know you're busy, though. Otherwise you would have come to get me. S'okay, though. I can wait. I'm good at waiting. Been waiting forever, forever and ever and ever."

His voice cracks a bit. "Forever and ever. That's what we said. I'm still waiting. Still waiting, Remus. Need your help, Remus. Need your...need you..."

He's never been a screamer. But he's a crier sometimes.

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	3. Somewhere Out There

**Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. The title "Gravity", all chapter titles, and all song lyrics belong to Our Lady Peace.**

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**Gravity  
**By: Sinnamon Spider

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**Somewhere Out There (Post-OOTP)**

_You're falling back to me,  
The star that I can't see.  
I know you're out there,  
Somewhere out there.  
You're falling out of reach,  
Defying gravity,  
I know you're out there,  
Somewhere out there._

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After a while, it doesn't hurt so much.

It's not that he couldn't function - not after the first few days, that is. He's been walking and talking and living for months now, convincingly enough that they soon stopped asking if he was okay. "He's always been strong," they say.

They're right.

But it's only recently that the little things have stopped hurting. He doesn't break down when he hears a song on the radio. He doesn't visibly flinch away from Nymphadora Tonks, although he is still firm in his rejection.

He can look at the stars again. And when the Dog Star twinkles at him, far away, he can even smile.

He has not forgotten.

But he has healed.

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	4. Innocent

**Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. The title "Gravity", all chapter titles, and all song lyrics belong to Our Lady Peace.**

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**Gravity  
**By: Sinnamon Spider

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**Innocent (Post-POA/pre-GOF)**

_I remember feeling low  
I remember losing hope  
I remember all the feelings  
And the day they stopped  
We are, we are all innocent  
We are all innocent_

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Whenever someone knocks on his door at quarter to three in the morning, Remus always bolts wide awake.

He has had one too many knocks on the door in the dead of night.

One killed his one of his best friends and his beautiful wife.

One killed another of his best friends.

One forced him to forget the last friend.

The last one killed him, too.

So when someone knocks on his door at quarter to three in the morning, Remus bolts wide awake.

But this knock has brought joy, not fear. Life, not death.

Sirius is soon settled into the living room, because Remus' tiny house only has one bedroom and he doesn't want to assume anything.

Remus is soon smiling brighter. He whistles as he scrubs dishes. He cracks jokes as he peels potatoes. He laughs as Padfoot gambols through his secluded garden.

And Sirius is gaining weight, his cheeks filling out, his hair regaining its luster, his eyes sparkling.

And here in their quiet, private togetherness, hidden away from the war and the world, two weary, broken men who have seen too much have never been so innocent.

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	5. Made Of Steel

**Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. The title "Gravity", all chapter titles, and all song lyrics belong to Our Lady Peace.**

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**Gravity  
**By: Sinnamon Spider

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**Made Of Steel (Marauders Era, 2nd Year)**

_They knock you down  
I'll pick you up;  
They laugh at you;  
I'll shut them up  
You wanted a hero tonight  
Well I'm not made of steel  
But your secret's safe with me_

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Sirius isn't in the room when James and Peter confront Remus. He is up to his elbows in silver polish, buffing medals and plaques given wizards and witches long dead, punishment for a prank he probably couldn't identify, because it has been a very successful week.

He knows, of course. He and James figured it out nearly a week ago. It took two days for Peter to be in the same room as Remus without squeaking in fear. It took another four for them to work up the courage to approach the quiet boy and accuse him of being a werewolf.

So when Remus turns white with fear and stammers excuses, Sirius is rolling his eyes over Samonella Privency's Outstanding Prefect award. When James - and Peter too, but with slightly less conviction - assures Remus that they will not turn on him, Sirius is swearing at a particularly stubborn smudge that looks like decades-old bogies on the 1874 Quidditch Cup. And when Remus breaks down and sobs, wondering how in the world he managed to find such amazing friends, Sirius has dropped his jar of polish and is unsuccessfully trying to mop it up with his tie.

He is streaky and irritated when he arrives in the common room, just after midnight. He is stomping across the carpet when something moves from deep within the armchair next to the fire.

Remus smiles at the sight before his eyes. "I wasn't aware that you were an award to the school," he comments. Sirius snorts, crossing the room to perch on the arm of the chair. "Foolish you, then," he replies. "Did James and Peter talk to you when I wasn't there?"

Sirius has never been one to mince words. Remus nods, the smile on his face slipping away. "They did." He bites his lower lip, turning appealing gold eyes up to Sirius. "What do you have to say?"

Sirius snorts again. "As if you had to ask. You're my friend, Remus, and it doesn't matter whether you're a Hippogriff or an ogre or a bloody Flobberworm, although if you were I would not spend my life stuffing lettuce down your throat."

Remus snickers. Sirius continues. "But...yeah. So you get a bit hairy and murderous once a month. So does every female in the world." He pauses to grin at Remus, who is laughing hard now. "And if anyone has a problem with you, they're gonna be dealing with me." He tries a menacing look, which makes Remus laugh even harder.

He reaches out to gently grasp Remus' chin, stopping the laughter and turning the other boy's face startled. "Scout's honour, Remus. I won't breathe a word, and I'll never think less of you, ever."

For the second time that night, Remus' gold eyes turn watery, tears of relief and joy and security.

Only this time, Sirius holds him and strokes his hair.

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	6. Sell My Soul

**Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. The title "Gravity", all chapter titles, and all song lyrics belong to Our Lady Peace.**

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**Gravity  
**By: Sinnamon Spider

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**Sell My Soul (Post-Halloween 1981)**

_I need a fresh start  
I was in heaven  
Until this world fell apart_

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He wakes up in the middle of disaster.

There are shreds of newspaper, shards of china from the teacup he smashed. His head aches. His eyes feel puffy.

He sits up and regrets it, grabbing his head until the pounding subsides back to the dull ache. Something is stabbing into his thigh. No doubt it's part of the carnage his world has fallen apart into.

He idly wonders if he's just a character in a really angsty book. It seems unlikely that this much misfortune could strike one person in reality.

He is also somewhat puzzled, in some detached part of himself that sort of floats above his head and watches, by his rationality. That he is able to function almost completely.

He supposes he has just become accustomed to tragedy.

Making a fist, he pounds his hand into the little pile of china shards beside his leg. They dig into his skin, slicing him open. The pain clears his throbbing head. He climbs to his feet and grabs the broom in the corner, sweeping up the fragments of his life.

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	7. Not Enough

**Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. The title "Gravity", all chapter titles, and all song lyrics belong to Our Lady Peace.**

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**Gravity  
**By: Sinnamon Spider

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**Not Enough (Marauders Era, 5th Year)**

_When they say  
You're not that strong  
You're not that weak  
It's not your fault_

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Sirius hates it when Remus talks about himself in that self-deprecating way he has. He shrugs off his triumphs, emphasizes his faults, underlines his weaknesses. He does it well enough that it doesn't make most people uncomfortable, or feel like they should contradict him.

Sirius, however, is hardly most people.

And Sirius thinks that Remus has enough people talking down to him. He doesn't need to add himself to the list.

So whenever Remus starts on one of his smiling lists of things that are wrong with him, Sirius will stand on his head to get him to stop.

And Remus will sigh and tell him to stop being a clown.

But when Sirius frets that his efforts are not enough, it's only because Remus hides his smiles away from the world.

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	8. Sorry

**Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. The title "Gravity", all chapter titles, and all song lyrics belong to Our Lady Peace.**

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**Gravity  
**By: Sinnamon Spider

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**Sorry (Post-POA/pre-GOF)**

_Today we carry each other  
Today we do what we should  
Today's a time for forgiving  
Today I wish I could_

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Sirius says sorry as often as he can.

The word tastes strange and foreign on his tongue. He was a smartass when he was younger; brash, cocky. He never needed to apologize, but the one time he did need to, it became the hardest thing he's ever done.

_"Remus, I'm sorry! I could say it a million times and it wouldn't be enough! How can I make you believe me?"_

_"Sorry is just a word if you don't mean it, Sirius."_

Twelve years of crushing guilt, though, has loosened his tongue. He wasn't able to say it when he was thrown into Azkaban, and now he cannot say it enough, just like all those years ago.

Only now Remus just smiles sadly and assures him that it's okay, it will all be okay. That he has nothing to apologize for. That it wasn't his fault.

But Sirius knows that he has twelve years worth of broken promises to apologize for. One hundred and forty-four agonizing full moons to apologize for. Six hundred and forty-eight endless weeks to apologize for. Four thousand three hundred and seventy-seven lonely nights to apologize for.

Millions of seconds when he should have been there for every single one, and he was gone.

Sirius says sorry. Remus tells him not to worry.

But Sirius can't help but worry that Remus will never fully forgive him.

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	9. Bring Back The Sun

**Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. The title "Gravity", all chapter titles, and all song lyrics belong to Our Lady Peace.**

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**Gravity  
**By: Sinnamon Spider

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**Bring Back The Sun (Post-POA/pre-GOF)**

_The mystery's gone  
So bring back the sun  
We'll bury this hate  
And build it with love_

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Remus has never felt so awkward.

It has been three weeks since Sirius came to "lie low" at his little dingy house. Three weeks in which Sirius has begun to smile a little. Three weeks in which his terrifying gauntness has slowly started to reverse.

But twelve years is a long time, and three weeks simply cannot overwrite the damage done in a decade and more.

Remus knows all this. Still, he has never felt more awkward.

Sirius has never slept on his couch before.

But he didn't want to rush things.

So he pushes away the awkwardness and the insecurity and the sudden swells of lust that hit him every so often, because Sirius is dealing with terror and fear and death and that outweighs his petty feelings.

And he smiles and encourages and brushes light touches and backs off when Sirius shrinks away and makes himself available all day and night to the man who is slowly, slowly healing.

After all, three awkward weeks are nothing but the first step to rebuilding everything that was stolen away from them.

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	10. A Story About A Girl

**Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. The title "Gravity", all chapter titles, and all song lyrics belong to Our Lady Peace.**

**A/N: This last chapter is a bit different. It's from Tonks' point of view, and the title refers to her. Enjoy!**

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**Gravity  
**By: Sinnamon Spider

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**A Story About A Girl (Post-HBP/DH)**

_And are you waking up slowly  
Nothing but lonely  
Are you waking up  
Holding, holding your breath  
Are you looking for something  
I promise you one thing  
I promise I'll always, always be there_

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Try as she might, she can never catch his eye.

Remus Lupin is far from stupid. She isn't stupid either, by far, but she never understands why he turns her down again and again, lowered eyes and quiet voice refusing her, every time.

It takes her cousin's death for her to understand.

She comes awake painfully, raising her head that aches from hitting the stone bench, just in time to see Sirius fall slowly, slowly, toward the arch, and disappear behind the veil.

She hears Harry's cry and turns to look at him, watching Remus catch the boy around the chest. He holds Harry back, but there is a terror in his eyes and the way he clings to his friend's son suggests that they are both anchoring each other.

Suddenly, she thinks she knows why Remus Lupin never really looked at her.

So one day she comes to him with jet black hair that falls into stormy grey eyes, and he really _looks _at her for the first time. Now she knows.

She has created a monster, though. A monster who wears the face of a dead man that her new husband - _husband_, her mind echoes, still not believing - still loves.

But there is a war on, and people tend to cling to loved ones in times of unrest.

So she changes herself again and again, watching, protecting, loving the man who clings to her and cries and calls her Sirius when they make love.

And that is enough.

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